Ek bikhari ko sadak pe jaate hue 100 rupaye mile paise utha ke vo ek bade hi shaandar hotel mein pahuncha jam kar khana khaya, bill bana 3000 rupaye. waiter ne bill manga to bola mere pass paise nahi hai managar ne utha ke usko police wale ke hawale kiya bikhari ne use 100 rupaye diye aur khushi khushi chalta bana.:d:d
Santa ki nayi nayi shaadi hone ke baad santa suhagraat ke din jate hi so gaya, phir dusre din bhi aisa hi hua aur aisa har roz hone laga santa jata aur so jata, santa ki biwi pareshan ho kar santa ki maa ke paas jakar boli patni: “apka beta to mere sath kuch karta hi nahi hai majboor ho kar mujhe apko ye baat batani pad rahi hai” saas: “tum aaj raat ek kaam karna apna ek boobs khol kar let jana” santa ki biwi yahi karti hai, santa raat mein aata hai or dekhte hi kehta hai, santa: “aray, itna bada foda, kal jakar is mein cheera zarur lagwa lena” santa ki biwi fir santa ki maa ke pass jati hai. patni: “aapka beta to mere boobs ko dekh kar ise foda keh raha hai” saas: “tum ab ek kaam karna apne dono boobs khol kar let jana” santa raat mein aata hai or apni biwi ke boobs dekh kar kehta hai santa: “aray, kal tak to ek hi foda tha aaj do-do ho gaye, kal ja kar is mein cheera pakka lagwa hi lena” biwi fir saas ke paas jakar rone lagi. saas: “tum ab ek kaam karna poori nangi hi let jana” santa ki biwi yahi karti hai, santa raat mein aata hai aur uski chut ko dekh kar apna matha thok kar kehta hai santa: “ye kis maderchod doctor ke paas chali gayi thi fode kaha hai aur doctor ne cheera kaha laga diya“:d:d
Ek aadmi ko court ki peshi pe gavah ke tor pe bulaya jata hai vakeel us se pehla sawaal puchhta hai vakeel: “kya aapne is case ke samjhaute ke liye 5,00,000 rupees liye hai?” gavah chup rahta hai vakeel ne fir jor se chillake kaha: “kya aapne is case ke samjhaute ke liye 5,00,000 rupees liye hai?” gavah is baar bhi chup raha vakeel ko gussa aa jata hai aur wo gavah ko gale se pakad ke bolta hai vakeel: “bole tune paise liye hai ya nahi?” gavah bechara darr jata hai aur ghabrate hue hath jod ke bola gavah: “maine socha ki aap judge sahab se puchh rahe the, isliye main chup tha“:d:d
~~~cute story~~~~ 7 - 8 saal ke ladka ladki khel rahe the.. ladki boli chalo "main chhup jaati hoon... agar toone mujhe dhoondh liya to hum bade hokar aapas mein shaadi karenge"... ladka bola- "par agar main nahi dhoondh paaya to " ?? ladki badi masoomiyat se boli - "oye pagal please aisa mat bol"....... main pass usi darwaje ke pichhe chhipungi.....
Cute story: rainy day, mother went to pick up her 4 years old daughter from school. she was worried thinking that, she'll fear the lightning. on her way she found her smiling at sky for every lighting. she asked why are you smiling? baby: mumma. god is taking my picture and i need to look good naa...
Ek ladke ki girlfriend ka birthday tha, par ladka business ke silsiley mein shahar se bahar tha. isliye usne 24 rose order kiye apni girlfriend ko bhejne ke liye, rose ke saath usne likha: “dear, main tumhare liye utne rose bhej raha hun jitne saal ki tum ho gayi ho” bhejte hue florist ne socha ki ye aaj ka mera sabse achha customer hai, chalo ise 10 rose free mein de deta hoon, to usne 24 ki jagah 34 rose de diye, aur aaj tak ladka nahi samajh paya ki uska break-up kyu hua.:d:d
Vakeel pappu se: “geeta par hath rakh kar kasam khao, ki jo kahoge sach kahoge, sach ke siva kuch nahi kahoge” pappu: “main kasam khata hu, jo bolunga sach bolunga, sach ke siva kuch nahi bolunga” vakeel: “haan to jab tumne khidki se dekha ki vo vahshi darinda miss anju ke kapde faad raha tha, noch raha tha, jabardasti balaatkaar karne ki koshish kar raha tha to tumne sabse pahle kya kiya?” pappu chup raha vakeel: “pappu, darne ki koi baat nahi hai, hum tumhare sath hai, batao sabse pahle tumne kya kara” pappu sharmate hue: “ji pahle muth maari fir police ko fon kara”:d:d
Ek baar santa ne socha ki bhagwan ki sab pooja karte hai main raavan ki karta hun vo free hoga kya pata meri wishes puri kar de to usne raavan ki puja karni start kar di 1 year ke baad ravan ji khush hue aur santa ko darshan de diye raavan ne socha ki main isko 3 wishes dunga usne santa se pucha: “vatsa, tumhe kya chahiye?” santa: “mujhe 100 vardaan de do” raavan: “par main sirf 3 vardan hi de sakta hun” santa: “nahi, mujhe 100 vardan hi chahiye” raavan: “nahi ye nahi ho sakta” santa: “mene tapsya ki hai mujhe 100 vardan hi chahiye” raavan: “main tumhe 3 vardan hi de sakta hun, lene hai to bol nahi to main chala” santa kuch sochte hue bola: “thik hai par main jo bhi 3 mangunga vo dene honge” raavan: “jarur, ye ek rakshas raj raavan ka vada hai” santa: “1st vardan, jo aapke shoulder pe gada hai ye ek ladki ki dandi (stick) ban jaye” raavan: “tathastu” santa: “ab ye dandi apni gaand mein le lo, ander tak” raavan bechara confused par bola: “tathastu” uske muh se dard bhari cheekhe nikal rahi thhi fir bhi vo bola: “bhonsdi ke, ab jaldi jaldi 3rd vardan maang, bada dard ho raha hai” santa: “ab tum mujhe baki ke 97 vardan de rahe ho ya main ye dandi vapis gada mein badal du, bina bahar nikalvaye” the moral of the story: management will not yield to your simple request until u can give.:d:d
Girl-friend ne boyfriend se pyar se kaha ladki: “jaanu, tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho?” ladka: “jo tum kaho meri jaan” ladki: “kya mere liye chaand la sakte ho?” ladka 2 minute bol ke kahi gaya aur kuch chiz apne piche chupa ke laya ladki se bola ki aankhein band karo, aur wo chiz ladki ke haatho mein de di aur ladki ko kaha ab apni aankhein kholo ladki ki aankho mein se ansu nikal aaye vo chiz dekh ke. kyunki uske haatho mein ek aaina (sheesha) tha, jisme us ladki ka chehra nazar aa raha tha ladki ne khush hokar boy-friend ko bola: “awwwww… tum mujhe chand samjhte ho?” ladka: “nahi, main to tumhe sirf ye samjha raha tha, jis muh se tumne chaand manga hai, vo thobda kabhi sheeshe mein bhi dekha hai ya nahi”:d:d...
Ek baar gaanv mein bade budhon ko padhane ki government ne scheme chalai. ek class mein teacher padhane laga aur bola: “a for apple, b for ball, c for cat” lekin wo bechare samajh nahi pa rahe the to teacher ne dehati tarike se padhana theek samjha aur padhana shuru kiya. teacher bola: “a for arshad ki maan, b for begum ki maan, m for mahmood ki maan, n for nasruddin ki maan, z for zahid ki maan” aise hi padha kar ek din test lene ki sochi, teacher ne board par w likhkar ek ko khada karke puchha. teacher: “batao ye kya hai?” ek utha aur bola: “ji ye lag to mahmood ki maan rahi hai lekin iski to koi taangon ko ulta kar gaya“.:d:d
Kallu dada wale kisse ke baad santa ne us ladki ko talak de diya ab bechara pareshan thha ki kya karu, to uske chacha ne fir se gaanv mein se ek ladki ka rishta beja santa uske pass gaya aur ladki se pucha santa: “tera koi kallu dada ke sath rishta to nahi thha” ladki: “nahi ji, vo to bada badnam hai hum un jaiso ke saath bol chal nahi rakhte” santa khush ho gaya aur us ladki se shadi kar li shadi ke baad santa sochta hai ki honeymoon aur suhagrat goa mein hi manaunga ladki se bola: “darling hum honeymoon ke liye goa jayenge, pahli raat ko hi” shadi hote hi rat ko vo sidha goa chale jate hai vahan ache se hotel mein kamra leke biwi ki 3 din tak achi tarha se chudayi karta hai jab vapis vo ghar aaye to biwi ne pucha: “apne honymoon to manaya hi nahi” santa: “arrey pagli 3 raatein tak vohi to karte rahe thhe” biwi haske boli: “achha isko honeymoon bolte hai, ye to na jane mein kitni bar ganv mein sarso or bazre ke khet mein mana chuki hu.“:d:d
Mastram ke paas bhainso ka tebaela hota hai, usko apni ek bhains hari (pregnant) karwani hoti hai, lekin uske paas male bhains nahi hoti, isliye woh paas mein ek budhia ke paas jaata hai jiske pass male bhains hoti hai. mastraam: kaki pranaam, ek bhains hari karwani hai. budhia: aaj toh vo kuch bhi nahi kar sakat hai, woh already teen bhainson ko hari kar chuka hai. mastraam: koi baat nahi kaki, mujh pe chhod do. saying this mastraam takes a brick and rubs the male buffalo's a$$. male bhains ka khada ho jaata hai aur mastraam ki bhains hari ho jaati hai. next day: mastram: kaki ek aur bhains hari karwani hai. budhia: nahi beta aaj toh vo bilkul hi nahi kar sakat hai, already 7 bhainson ko hara kar chuka hai. mastraam: kaki, yeh kaam mujh pe chhod do. again he rubs the brick on the male buffalo's a$$ aur uski bhains hari ho jaati hai. third day: this time the old lady is not present, instead of her the old lady's husband is managing the farm. mastram: kaka bhains hari karwaani hai. buddha: aaj vo nahin kar payega, already 20 ko hari kar chuka hai. mastram: kaka, yeh kaam mujhpe chhod do. saying this as usual mastraam starting rubbing the male buffalo's a$$ with the brick, seeing this old man comes running and gives a tight slap to mastraam. mastram: kaka maara kahe? old man: abey kaminey, toh tu wahi hai, jiski wajah se budhia roz raat ko mere a$$ pe inthan ragadthi hai.:d:d