School mein ek sir bahut hi desh bhakat tha, ek din class mein bachcho ko samjha raha tha sir: “bachcho kasam khao kabhi sharab, cigarette nahi piyoge, non veg nahi khaoge.” bachche: “nahi khayenge sir” sir: “kabhi ladkiyon ko nahi chhedoge” bachche: “alright sir!” sir: “jua nahi kheloge” bachche: “ok! sir” sir: “desh ke liye jaan bhi de doge” pappu ne ye suna aur sir ko bola pappu: “de denge sir, aisi jaan ka aur karenge bhi kya!“:d:d

टीचर: उसने खुदखुशी कर ली और उसे खुदखुशी करनी पड़ी, इस में अंतर बताओ? संता: पहला पड़ा लिखा बेरोजगार था, दूसरा शादीशुदा था!

लड़का अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड के साथ पेड़ के
नीचे बैठा था,

लड़का: - डार्लिंग तुम्हारे चेहरे पर कुछ लगा है..,

लड़की: अरे वो मैं फेशवॉश लगा के आई थी वही लगा
होगा...
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लड़का: - दुप्पटे से मुँह पौंछ ले ऊपर से कबूतर ने
बीट कर दी है....!

Vijay mallya is my hero. i can't withdraw more than 20,000 rupees a day from my account. he withdrew 215 cr and left the country. the minimum account balance i need to maintain is 0. but he can maintain a minimum balance of rs -1500 cr. i work quite hard and my last birthday party was thrown by a friend on his brother-in-law's terrace; i spent 200 bucks on cab. when he turned 60 this year he burnt 90 cr on his birthday party on a private island in goa, and flew down enrique. i pay my modest emi on time fearing phone calls and letters from the bank. he owes rs 7000 cr to 17 banks and nobody knows on which number he's available or where to send the damned letters. if i owed the amount of money he owed, i would have taken a bus or hitched a drive for free (to save whatever little i have left) to escape my debtors. but he took a chartered jet and flew to a private estate near london. but everybody is busy calling him a huge failure. they're cracking bankruptcy jokes, poor man jokes, fat man jokes and absconder jokes on him. let me break this to all of you. the joke, is actually on you guys. if you ask me, he's not a failure; he's the biggest f**king success story today. no matter what they say, you're my hero, dr vijay mallya. sleep well, chief. you've earned it.

Tintumon told his doctor that he was really worried because every part of his body hurt. the doctor looked concerned and said, “show me where?” the tintumon touched his own arm and screamed, “ouch!” then he touched his leg and screamed, “ouch!” he touched his nose and cried, “ouch!” he looked at his doctor and said, “see? it hurts everywhere!” the doctor laughed and said, “don’t worry; it’s not serious. you”ve just got a broken index finger.”

Teacher : sabse zayada izzat kiske paas hai...? student : shakti kapoor , prem chopra , gulshan grover ke paas... teacher : vo kaise...? student : mam kyuki inhone ne hi sabse zayada izzat luti hai....!