Ek baar amitabh bachchan, shahrukh khan, hrithik roshan jungle shikaar karne gaye aur junglee bhil ke logon ne unhe pakda aur apne sardar (boss) ke paas le gaye sardar: “acha hai-acha hai, aaj inki bali chadha kar devi maan khoob khush hongi” teenon ne nivedan kiya ki wo unhe chhod de kyun ki wo famous film actor hai, isliye sardar ne kaha: “ok, par ek shart hai, agar tum tino ke hathiyar ka total size 17-inch hoga to hum tumhe chhod denge” wo teeno is sharat ke liye raji ho gaye, sabse pahle amitabh ki baari aayi to uska maap 10-inch tha, doosra unhone shahrukh ka mapa to maap 6.5-inch tha, wo dono ko rahat mili aur wo dono ab hrithik ke hathiyar par hi surakshit the, jo ki jyada se jyada .5 inch ho tab hrithik ke lund ko naapa uska maap .5 inch tha, un teeno ko chhod diya gaya aur sadak par teeno baatein karte hue bole amitabh: “array wo to mera 10-inch tha isliye bach gaye” shahrukh: “array mera 6.5-inch tha nahi to 17-inch ka maap poora kaise hota ye rithik ka tho .5-inch hi tha” hrithik: “array shukar mano wo to mera end time pe khada ho gaya nahi to 17-inch kya ghanta poora hota“
Sweet story.. . 1 baar sari feelings ne decide kiya ke wo log chupa chupi khelege.. . 'dard' ne counting start ki baki feelings chup gaye.. . . 'jhut' ped k piche chupa or 'pyar' gulab ki jhadiyo k piche.. .. sab pakde gaye siwa 'pyar' k.. .. 'jealousy' ne dard ko bata diya k 'pyar' kaha chupa hai.. .. 'dard' ne 'pyar' ko khich k nikala toh kanto ki wajah se 'pyar' ki ankh kharab ho gai.. .. bhagwan ne 'dard' ko saja sunai ki use jindagi bhar 'pyar' ke sath rehna padega.. . . tab se 'pyar' andha hai or jaha bhi jata hai 'dard' uske sath hota hai.. so whenever thr is "love" thr is"pain" always..
Ek chhoti bachi apne papa ke saath ja rahi thi.. 1 pul par paani bahut tezi se dah raha tha. papa:beta daro mat mera haath pakad lo. bachi: nahi papa aap mera hath pakad lo. papa: (muskura kar bole) dono me kya antar hai? bachi: agar main aapka hath pakdu aur achanak kuch ho jaaye to shayad me aapka hath chhod du. lekin agar aap mera hath pakdenge to. main janti hun ke chahe kuch bhi ho jaye. aap mera hath kabhi nahi chhodenge . great love aaj bhi bacche hath chhod dete hai
Ek aadmi samundar me nahatay huye doobne laga to us ne pooja ki "hey bhagvan ! agar mai bach gaya to biryani ki deg garibo ko khilaunga" ek badi si lehar ne usko sahil pe phenk dia, usne upar dekha aur kaha, "hehe, kaunsi biryani, kaisi biryani... . . achanak 1 aur lehar usay wapis ley gayi to aadmi kehne laga "mera matlab tha chicken ya mutton
Ek baar ek amir aadmi apni biwi ko five star hotel mein khana khilane le jata hai, order dene ke kafi der baad bhi jab khana nahi aaya to tang aakar usne waiter ko jaldi khana lane ko bola. waiter abhi leke aata hun kah kar chala jata hai par phir aadha ganta gujar jata hai ab aadmi tang aakar utha aur apni biwi ko lekar kisi aur hotel mein khana khane le jane laga. tabi waiter bill lekar aaya aur bola: “sir aapka bill” aadmi hairan hokar: “khana to mene khaya nahi phir ye bill kis baat ka?” waiter bola: “khana khao ya na khao, khana to tayaar hai” baat jagde tak pahunch jati hai to hotel ka manager ye sun kar aa jata hai aur bolta hai, manager: “sir, khana khao ya na khao par khana to tyaar hai” aadmi ye sun kar manager ko do thappad maarta hai aur bola: “sale, hotel ke malik ko bula” hotel ka malik aajata hai aur puchta hai: “aapne mere manager ko kyun mara?” aadmi bola: “isne meri biwi ko cheda tha” itna sun kar manager hairan hokar bola: “mene aapki biwi ko kab cheda?” aadmi: “bhonsdi ke, ched ya mat ched wo to tyaar hai“ :d
"sab ko musibato ka hal batane wale apne baba ji ek din khud beemar pad gaye, kya thi unki beemari aur kaisa tha ilaaj?" ek baar baba saxidas bahut hi bimaar pad gaye aur unko kaafi doctors ko dhikhaya par koi farak nahi pada. baba ji ke ek khaas chele ko yaad aaya ki baba ji ke khas hakeem ji hai, unko to abhi tak dikhya hi nahi gaya. usne hakeem ko bulvaya aur baba saxidas ki halat ke bare mein bataya. hakeem ne baba ji ko check kiya aur bataya ki s_x na karne ki vajah se andkosh mein virya jam gya hai, aur iska ek hi ilaaj hai ki baba ji kam se kam teen-chaar din jam kar s_x kare. ab smasya thi ki baba ji ko ye baat kon bataye, himmat kar ke chela baba ji ke pass gaya aur bola chela: “baba aapko jo bimaari hui hai wo bilkul hi theek ho jayegi” baba saxidas: “kya dvaai bataai hai?” chela: “baba aapko sirf teen-chaar din s_x karna padega” baba saxidas: “ye nahi ho sakta main baal-brahmchari hun” chela: “lekin baba apni health ke liye ek dava ke tor par to kar hi sakte ho” baba saxidas: “nahi ye kaam main kisi bhi surat mein nahi kar sakta” chela wapas chala jata hai aur bada pareshan ho jata hai, par achanak se hi usko ek idea aata hai aur wo bhukh hadtaal par beth jata hai. baba ji ko ye bat pata chali to unhone use apne pass bulvaya. baba saxidas: “tum bhukh hadtaal kyo kar rahe ho?” chela: “baba ji aap apna ilaaj nahi karwa rahe to ham apne praan tyaag denge” baba saxidas: “achha theek hai main apna ilaaj karwa leta hoon par uske liye kuch sharte hai” chela: “theek hai baba ji aap apni sharte bata de” baba saxidas: “jo bhi ladki mere sath s_x ke liye lekar aao wo andhi honi chahiye taki wo hamein dekh na sake” chela: “theek hai baba ji” baba saxidas: “aur wo ladki behri bhi honi chahiye taki hamari awaaz ko na sun sake” chela: “theek hai baba ji wo ladki andhi aur behri hogi” baba saxidas: “aur wo ladki gungi bhi honi chahiye taki kisi bhi tarah is sex ke bare mein kisi ko bata na sake” chela: “theek hai baba ji wo ladki andhi, behri aur gungi hogi” baba saxidas: “ek aur sabse jaruri shart bhi hai hamari” chela: “wo kya hai baba ji?” baba saxidas chele ko ankh marte hue bole: “ladki ek dam jhakkas maal honi chahiye” ======================================== so dosto, aap log bhi time time par sex karte raha karo.. sehat ke liye achha hota hai ;)
Ek baar sher ke man mein sex karne ki aa gayi to wo bander ko bola. sher: “aaja gxnd maarna khelte hai” bander: “pehle main marunga“ sher ne kuch socha aur bola: “theek hai” bander ne ek ghante tak sher ki tasalli se maari aur maarne ke baad bhaag gaya. sher ko bada gussa aya aur vo bhi uske piche bhaag liya. dhundte dhundte sher ek gaanv mein pahucha. wahaa ek aadmi nahane ki taiyari mein apne kapde aur newspaper table par rakh kar nahane chala gaya. bander ne dekha aur uske kapde pahne aur newspaper padne ka natak karte hue table par beth gaya. itne mein sher bhaga-bhaga aaya aur bahar bethe bander se puchha. sher: “aapne kisi bander ko jate hue dekha hai?” bander: “wahi bander na, jisne aapki gxnd mari hai?” sher ke to tote udd gaye aur hairani se bola: “ji, par aap ko kaise pata chala” bander: “akhbar mein headline hai – bander ne sher ki maar li.“
Ek aadmi ki biwi 3 din se beemar thhi, bechara tension mein thha ghar se dawayi lene ke liye nikla to baarish shuru ho gayi, tension aur bad gayi baarish ruki to jaisi hi ghar se nikla to bike puncture ho gayi, bechara fir tension mein bike ko puncture lagvaya to thodi door jane ke baad ek aurat ne use awaj di, usko tension hui ki ye kon hai jisne awaj lagayi usne aurat se pucha to usne bataya ki vo pregnant hai usko hospital le jao, bechara aur tension mein aa gaya fir bhi insaniyat ke nate usne uski help ki aur hospital le gaya, pata chala doctor abhi nahi aya, bechare ki tension aur bad gayi doctor jab aya to usne operation karne se mana kar diya ki iske pati ko lao, aadmi ko aur tension ho gayi par usne apna faraz nibhate hue kaha ki main hi iska pati hun, ab tension ye thhi ki bachha hoga bhi nahi doctor ne usko aake kaha ki ladka hua hai, ab vo jaisi hi jane laga to aurat ne awaj de ke kaha patidev kaha ja rahe ho. sun ke tension extreme ho gayi usne kaha ki maine to operation ho jaye isliye kaha tha ki pati hun, par aurat ne kaha ki yahi mera pati hai, tension se sir fatne ko ho gaya usne kaha ki doctor mera test kar lo, doctor ne test kiya to pata chala ki vo to baap hi nahi ban sakta tha, ye sochkar uski tension hadd se jyada badd gayi jaisi hi bahar aya to socha ki ghar mein jo do bache hai fir vo kiske hai, bas is tension se vo vahi behosDbeH ho gaya so dosto aaj ke time jidhar bhi jao tensions hi tensions hai, so jara dhayan se jiyo
1din maina :mujhe chor kr kbhi tum ur to nhi jaoge tota:ur jau to tum pkr lena maina:me tumhe pkr skti hu,pr fir pa nhi skti tota ki ankho me ansu a gya usne apne pnkh tor liye bola:hm hmesa sath rhege 1din bhut zor se tufan aya maina urne lgi tbhi tota bola:tum ur jao me ni ur skta maina:apna khayal rkhna kh kr ur gyi jb tufan thama or maina waps ayi to usne dekha k tota mr chuka tha or 1dali pr likha kash tum ek bar to khti k, me tumhe nhi chor skti to shayd me tufan ane se phle nhi mrta
Ek teacher ne majak mein bachcho se kha jo bachcha kal swarg se mitti layega, main use inaam dungi.! agle din teacher class mein sab bachcho se puchhti hain, kya koi bachcha mitti laya..? sare bachche khamosh rehte hain. ek baccha uthkar teacher ke pass jata hai or kehta hai, lijiye madam, main laya hun swarg se mitti. teacher us bacche ko datte huye kehti hain; mujhe bewkoof smajhta hai, kha se laya hai ye mitti..? rote-rote bachcha bola- meri "maa ke pairon" ke neeche se...
Buddhe ka shadar jawab. ek aadmi ne ek buddhe se teen sawal puchhe.... 1. ye log hamesha khud ki kyo sochte h? 2. jab jimmedari sar pe aati h to log bhagte kyo h? 3. logo m ekta kyo ni h? . bhuddhe ne kuch soch vichar karke apni jeb(pocket) m se machis nikali. usme se teen tiliya nikali. do tiliyo ko jamin pe feka. or ek tili ko todkar tikha kiya. fir usko muh m dala or daant(teeth) kuderte huye bola... . . . . . . . . . abe saale mujhe kya pata.
Ek baar ek shikari bhalu ka shikar karne ki sochta hai. apni banduk aur baki saman ko leke jungle pahunch jata hai. kafi der batkane ke bad use ek bhalu nazar ata hai, par kambakth bhaalu bahut chalak hota hai wo ek taraf jhaadiya hila ke dusri taraf chala jaata hai, jab shikari un jhaadiyo mein shoot karne waala hota hai wo bhaalu piche se aata hai uski gxnd maar ke chala jaata hai, shikari rota pitta ghar aata hai, par agle din fir uska shikar karne pahunch jata hai. agle din bhi bhaalu phir se jhaadiya hila ke dusri taraf chala jaata hai, jab tak shikari un jhaadiyo mein shoot karne waala hota hai bhaalu fir piche se aata hai uski gxnd maar ke chala jaata hai, ultimately wo sochta hai kal main toap launga or jungle mein aag laga dunga, next day wo toap lata hai, jungle mein aag lag jaati hai aur shikari apni pent khol ke niche baith jaata hai, bhaalu aata hai or kheech ke uski gxnd pe laath maarta hai, aur kehta hai, bhalu: “bhosdike yahaan jungle mein aag lagi hai or tujhe gxnd marwane ki padi hai?“ :d