80,000 blondes meet in the kansas city chiefs stadium for a "blondes are not stupid convention". the leader says, "we are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. can i have a volunteer?" a blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. the leader asks her, "what is 15 plus 15?" after 15 or 20 seconds she says, "eighteen!" obviously everyone is a little disappointed. then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "give her another chance! give her another chance!" the leader says, "well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcastmedia here, gee, uh, i guess we can give her another chance." so he asks, "what is 5 plus 5?" after nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "ninety?" the leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "give her another chance! give her another chance!" the leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "ok! ok! just one more chance -- what is 2 plus 2?" the girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "four?". throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "give her another chance! give her another chance!"
A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching tv, an old western is on. the husband says to his wife, "i bet you breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead," " you're on," returned his wife. they watch the western and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the wagon ... dead. the wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray of food. after eating the husband says, "i have to admit that i saw this movie before." she in turn confesses, i saw the movie before too. but i didn't think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice...."
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. she responded, "six, please. i could never eat twelve pieces."
A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver. he motioned for her to pull over. when she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. he drew a circle on the road and told the blonde to stand in the circle and not move. he then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. when he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "oh, you think that's funny? watch this." he gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. when he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. he is getting really mad. he gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. now she's laughing. the truck driver is really starting to lose it. he goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. he turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "what's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde. she replied, "when you weren't looking, i stepped outside the circle 4 times."
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. for years, they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp. they rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie. the genie says "since i can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one." so the brunette goes first, "i have been stuck here for years, i miss my family and my husband and my life i just want to go home." poof, she is gone. the redhead makes her wish, "this place sucks, i want to go home too." poof, she is gone. the blonde starts crying uncontrollably. the genie asks, "what is the matter?" the blonde said, "i wish my friends were here."
A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. the blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt. "gee, that's nice. what did you name the other one?"
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. she mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. in terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. she tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. the horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. as her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.. ..the wal-mart manager runs out and unplugs the horse.
On a plane bound for new york the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. the blonde replied, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to new york and i'm not moving." not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. he went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. again, the blonde replied, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to new york and i'm not moving." the co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what to do about her. the captain said, "i'm married to a blonde, and i know how to handle this." he went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. she immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "why didn't anyone just say so?" surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. he said, i told her the first class section wasn't going to new york.
A small company recently hired a new blonde secretary who certainly wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. one day while she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said, "what do i do now? i'm almost out of typing paper." "just use the copier machine paper," replied the other secretary. with that, the blonde took her last remaining blank sheet of typing paper, placed it on the photocopier and proceeded to make ten blank copies.
Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an a.m. radio? it took him two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
A blonde and a redhead were sitting together having drinks, when the blonde noticed a man walking towards them with an arm full of long stem red roses. the blonde says to the redhead, "isn't that your husband coming carrying all those roses?" the redhead says, yes it is. the blonde responds by saying, "oh you are so lucky". the redhead says, "no i'm not. all that means is that i have to spend the whole week-end flat on my back, with my legs in the air and spread apart." the blonde says, "oh my, don't you have a vase to put them in"?