Height of miscommunication!!!!!! once there were twins, mark and michael, mark was the owner of an old boat. it so happened that michael’s wife died the same day that mark’s boat sank. a few days later, a kindly old woman saw mark and mistook him for michael. she said, “i’m sorry to hear about your loss. you must just feel terrible.” mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, “heck no. in fact, i’m sort of glad to be rid of her. she was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. she was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. every time i used her, her hole got bigger & she leaked like crazy. i guess what finally finished her off was when i rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. i warned them that she wasn’t very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. the fools tried to get in her all at once & she split right up the middle.” the old lady fainted
A sad love story a psychic talking to a ghost.. psychic: why did you die? ghost:i was hit by a car trying to save someone. psychic: why? ghost: because i don’t want her to get hurt. psychic: you really love her a lot cause you’ve sacrificed your own life just for her. maybe she’s sad now, because of your death. ghost: no. she’s very happy cause the one that i saved is the man that she loves.. :’:p=d^^))
A heart touching story…. the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride. the father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. so he announced “ladies and gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.” then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued….. “my daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.” the whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter……. …all except…… the poor groom !!=d
A little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number. the store-owner observed and listened to the conversation: boy: “lady, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?” woman: (at the other end of the phone line) “i already have someone to cut my lawn.” boy: “lady, i will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now.” woman: “i’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting the lawn.” boy: (with more perseverance) “lady, i’ll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.” woman: “no, thank you.” with a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. the store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy. store-owner: “son….i like your attitude; i like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.” boy: “no thanks.” store-owner: “but you were really pleading for one.” boy: “no sir, i was just checking my performance at the job i already have. i am the one who is working for that lady i was talking to!” *”this is called self appraisal”* give your best and the world comes to you !!!
Beautiful story….. a very poor man lived with his wife… one day, his wife, who had very long hair asked him to buy her a comb for her hair to grow well and to be well-groomed… the man felt very sorry and said, “no” he explained that he did not even have enough money to fix the strap of his watch he had just broken… she did not insist on her request.. the man went to work and passed by a watch shop, sold his damaged watch at a low price and went to buy a comb for his wife… he came home in the even1000Ing with the comb in his hand ready to give to his wife… he was surprised when he saw his wife with a very short hair cut.. she had sold her hair and was holding a new watch band.. tears flowed simultaneously from their eyes, not for the futility of their actions.., but, for the reciprocity of their love… moral: to love is nothing, to be loved is something but to love and to be loved by the one you love, that is everything… never take love for granted…
“arrogance keeps us sometimes from saying i am sorry. but when you pray, you can be done with that arrogance and you can say you are sorry and you will be forgiven. prayer is to develop the humility. prayer is to develop strength. verily the prayer is the preventive mechanism against human tendencies to doing what is wrong.”
Love stories dnt just happen.. they take patience, understanding, respect the most important love… cause love isnt a time pass.. itz that feeling which takes to an imaginary world but still keeps yu in the real world…
A little bird was flying south for the winter. it was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. while he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. as the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. the dung was actually thawing him out! he lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. a passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. moral of the story: 1. not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. 2. not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 3. and when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth quite!
A priest offered a lift to a nun. she got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. the priest nearly had an accident. after controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. the nun said,”father, remember psalm 129?” the priest removed his hand. but,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. the nun once again said, “father, remember psalm 129?” the priest apologized “sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. on his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up psalm 129. itsaid, “go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.” moral of the story: if you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Power of charisma a turkey was chatting with a bull “i would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but i haven’t got the energy.” “well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “they’re packed with nutrients.” the turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. the next day, after eating some moredung, he reached the second branch. finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at th151E top of thetree. soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. moral of the story: bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
Ek chhoti bacchi apne papa ke saath ja rahi thi. 1 pul par paani bahut tezi se bah raha tha. papa : beta daro mat, mera haath pakad lo. bacchi : nahi papa aap mera haath pakad lo. papa (muskura kar bole) : dono me kya antar hai? bacchi : agar main aapka haath pakdu aur achanak kuch ho jaaye to shayad, me aapka haath chhod du. lekin agar aap mera haath pakdenge to, main janti hu ke chahe kuch bhi ho jaaye. “aap mera haath kabhi nahi chhodenge” i love u my mom & dad
Girl: dad.. my teacher ask me what ur dad do? dad: what u said? girl: i said he works in a chocolate factory.. and brings lots of chocolate for me? in evening he works in an ice- cream parlor… and i eat my fvr8 flavor? he also works in a toys shop.. and bring me soft and cuddy teddy’s? sometimes he is a teacher also bcoz he helps me in my homework.. he is very strong and hard-worker.. he works from morning to evening… and nvr get tired nd always there for me..? dad.. did i said right..?? dad: i love you so much my baby? girl: i love you too… u to dad?