A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars. the manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. 'what the heck are you doing ?' he asks the drunk. 'i'm looking for my car, and i can't find it.' he replies. 'so how does feeling the roof help you ?' asks the puzzled manager. 'well,' replies the drunk earnestly, 'my car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!'.
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. he also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. when the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. the bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. the man thought that was great. a few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. the bartender looked over and signed "now cut that out! i warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar. the man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "if i told them once i told them 100 times - no singing in the bar!"
After the great britain beer festival, in london, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. the guy from corona sits down and says "hey sen~or, i would like the world's best beer, a corona." the bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. the guy from budweiser says "i'd like the best beer in the world, give me ' the king of beers, a budweiser." the bartender gives him one. the guy from coors says i'd like the only beer made with rocky mountain spring water, give me a coors. he gets it. the guy from guinness sits down and says "give me a coke." the bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. the other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "why aren't you drinking a guinness?" the guinness president replies "well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will i."
A man stumbles out of a bar one night obviously drunk. he makes his way down the street knocking into everything in his path. a police officer watches him from a cruiser across the street. the man comes up to a parked car, fumbles around in his pockets, gets his keys, and proceeds to drive away. the police officer, unbelieving what he saw, pulls the man over a few blocks down the road. the man gives a breathalizer for the officer and to the officer's amazement - the guy was stone cold sober. "i can't believe it! i watched you walk to this car, drive erratic all the way down the road, and my machine says you have no alcohol in your system! how can that be???" "oh that's easy", replies the man. "tonight i'm the designated decoy."
A sms sent by a man 2 his wife: ' hi honey, i am just having my last beer, & i will be home in 30 minutes. if i am not, please read this sms again!'
Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya, counter clerk asks: kuch kehna chahte ho sharabi: jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hain.
If vijay mallya gets into film production.., kingfisher productions (films of good times) presents: 1) soda akbar 2) rab ne pila di thodi 3) rum de basanti. 4) hum tight ho chuke sanam 5)beer zaara 6)bevde zameen par.. 7)kabhi whisky,kabhi rum 8)brandy rathore 10)3 drunkars 11)ek tha kingfisher & 12)whisky donor
Palko se aasu bikhar jate h, aap kya jano aap kitna yad aate h hm aaj b usi mod par khade h jaha apne kaha tha tum thehro,hum daru aur namkin lekar ate hai.
1 ladka pee k aaya aur baap se bachne k liye laptop le kar baith gaya.. . . . baap:" pee k aaya hai na ?? . . . beta:" n37bAhi to.. . . . baap:" kaminey, phir breaf case khol k kya type kar raha hai..???
3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. the taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. he told them.... "we have reached". the 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "thank you". the 3rd guy gave driver a slap. the driver was shocked, thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. he asked "whats that for?". the 3rd guy replied: "control your speed next time..?