Santa rings the fire brigade. he says, "my house is on fire". officer: how do we get there? santa: in the big red truck.
Santa: i got a very good deal so i bought 62 different kind of fish. banta: where are you going to keep them? santa: in the bathtub. banta: but what will you do when you want to take a bath? santa: blindfold them!
Santa: i can speak and understand 7 languages. banta: english, hindi, punjabi and urdu. but may i know, which other three? santa: profanity, sarcasm and real shit.
Santa: i stayed up all night. banta: what was wrong? santa: i was trying to remember if i have amnesia or insomnia.
Santa: i wasted my money by going to the 'pet store" and buying some bird seed. banta: that's so considerate of you. why do you say that you wasted your money? santa: thanks. but the trouble is that the birds are showing no sign of growing even after 1 month of planting the seed.
Santa: i am 96% jesus. banta: you're conceited. santa: i can prove that. banta: and how? santa: jesus can walk on water... i can walk on cucumbers... cucumbers are 96% water... therefore i'm 96% jesus.
Santa's mistress dies. her husband is calm but santa furiously moans her death. her husband finally consoles santa, "don't worry, i'll marry again"!
Santa: wives are like police. banta: why? santa: once they get hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you!
Santa: i asked my wife to chuck me my deodorant from the other side of the room, and she did the most pathetic throw; it didn't even reach me. "what the hell was that?" i asked. "sorry, but it says 'underarm only' on it", she replied.
Santa walks into his doctor's chamber and sits down in the waiting room. another patient sitting next to him and who was stammering a little asked him, "wwwhy dd do yyy you wwant to sss see th the doctor?" santa: well i have a prostate problem. patent: yoyo you hhahavhavve prostate pp prob lem, wwhat's ttthat? santa: well, if you must know, i pee like you talk.