A programmer’s wife asks him to pick up a loaf of bread and, if they have eggs, get a dozen. the programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread.
There are only two hard problems in computer science; cache invalidation, naming things, and off by one errors.
Compilers use gotos all the time and nobody bats an eye human uses goto and everybody loses their mind.
There are two types of people. type : 1 if (condition) { statements / * . . . * / } type : 2 if (condition) { statements / * . . . * / } programmers will understand !
Gamer : man, i suck at this game. can you give me a few pointers.? programmer : 0x3a28213a 0x6339392c 0x7363682e gamer : i hate you!
Python : this is plagiarism. you can't just "import essay". java : i'm two pages in and i still have no idea what you're saying. c++ : i asked for one copy, not four hundred. unix shell : i don't have permission to read this. assembly : did you really have to redefine every word in the english language. c : this is great. but you forget to add a null terminator. now i'm just reading carbage. latex : your paper makes no goddamn sense, but it's the most beautiful thing. i have ever laid eyes on. html : this is a flower pot.
Programmer : we won't be able to deliver our product in time. because of some issue with mysql... manager : what??? then use somebody else's sql, but i want the product in time.
3 pm : all right, one last compilation. and this should work. then i'll go get lunch. 6 pm : had to fix that other thing. now one more compile should do it. 9 pm : ah, that was the actual problem. now it should work after this final compilation. 12 am : i think i nailed it. just this one last compile... then lunch.
Code style evolution : // newbie, 11 lines public string getsex (int num) { if (num==0) { return "female" ; } else { return "male" ; } } // 1 year later, 6 lines public string getsex (int num) { if (num==0) { return "female" ; } return "male"; } // 2 years later + lazy writing, 3 lines public string getsex (int num) { return num == 0 ? "female " : "male" ; }
The waterfall sdlc in theory : analyse design code test release. the waterfall sdlc in practice : analyse design code look for whom to blame.