If jesus invented a programming language...
1) every program shall start with an include dad
2) constructors shall be referred to as bloody mary and you shall never question it.
3) exception handling would be simpler. all exceptions shall be handled by dad
4 ) along with the try/catch constructs, there shall be a fuck-all construct that dad would be using if pissed.
5) there won’t be any none in the language. they shall henceforth be called nun but behave similarly.
6) walking on water shall be a library and the method obj.fakewalk() does it for you.
7) every function shall return twice.
8) you shall never save your code because i save.
9) all compile errors shall henceforth be called judas and runtime, satan.
10) you shall receive an email from me if you fuck up. you shall never hear any voices, fool.
11) those who write best programs shall get to see me performing on sundays.
12) you shall not allocate/deallocate memory, dad does it
13) the method obj.nail_it() shall terminate your program. forever!
14) you shall never run your program after 9 pm. i sleep.
15) christmas is when all your programs run even without writing them.
16) all statements will end with a † and not ;
17) nobody gets to use ‘sleep’ method during the easter week.
18) model will be known as magdaline, view as vanity and controller as catholic in any mvc framework.
19) cron jobs shall be called resurrectors.