Fitness is fighting a losing battle.
A clean tie will attract the soup of the day.
First impressions are often lasting - especially if they're made by a car bumper.
I was a man trapped in a woman's body. Then I was born.
A burp is just a fart that took the elevator!
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.
Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
A bachelor is a man who can never make the same mistake twice.
I always learn from the mistakes of others who followed my Advice.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
If a man's mouth won't dry up looking at you, you ain't hot enough!