Patient: doctor, doctor, i'can't stop stealing things. doctor: take these pills for a week and if they don't work, get me a 42-inch flat screen tv!
Patient: doctor, i'm having trouble with my breathing. doctor: i'll give you something that will soon put a stop to that.
Doctor: you seem to be in excellent health. your pulse is as regular as clockwork. patient: that's because you've got your hand on my watch!
Doctor: so you swallowed a clock two months ago, why didn't you come to me sooner? patient: i didn't want to alarm you.
Patient: i have spent 80 per cent of my life savings on doctors. doctor: why didn't you come to me earlier?
A man to doctor, "is there any medicine for long life?" doctor: get married. man: will it help ? doctor: no, but it will avoid such thoughts.
Doctors after operation and students after exam both tell the same answer; . . . we tried our best; can't say anything right now!
The doctor put a stethoscope to the patient's chest. the patient said, "doctor how do i stand?" the doctor replied, "that's what puzzles me"!