Santa, who's not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym, "i want to impress that beautiful lady. which machine should i use? the trainer replied, "use the atm machine outside the gym"!
Santa: yes, officer. police officer: didn't you see the "speed limit" sign? santa: i did see the sign. i just didn't see you.
Jeeto left a note on the fridge, "it's not working! i can't take it anymore, i am going to stay at my parents'!" santa opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold. he muttered confusingly, "what the hell was she talking about?" the refrigerator is working perfectly!"
Santa: i want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. banta: what's stopping you? santa: but i don't feel like getting married 3 times.
Santa: my wife said to me those words every man dies to hear. banta: what did she say? santa: i'm leaving you and i'm taking the kids
Santa: i always close my eyes when i kiss a girl. banta: why? santa: can't let the pepper spray get in my eyes.
Banta: did you hear the news? anil drank so much, his wife left him! santa: bartender! give me six large, on the rocks!
"buddy, what's a 'breathalyzer'?", asked drunk banta to santa. "well, i'd have to say that it's a bag that tells you when you've drunk way too much", answered the equally wasted santa. "ah hell, what do they know? i've been married to one of those for years!"
Drunk santa gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. she looks the man up and down and says, "i've got news for you. you're going straight to hell!" santa jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "man, i'm on the wrong bus!"