What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? You may have graduated, but I've got hundreds of degrees!
Interviewer: What did you like best about your last job? Candidate: Sometimes, people had birthdays and there were free cakes!
NRI Friend: I completed my Ph.D. in Mathematical statistics and now I'm coming to India for my vacations before I head back and join an MNC. Punjabi Friend: Sahi Hai, Aate Waqt Duty Free Se Daaru Le Kar Aana!
My friend's wife crashed her car into some guy last night. She told the police that the guy was on his mobile and was drinking beer at the time of the accident. The police said he was entitled to do whatever he wanted in his own backyard!
Best Saving Plan: Seriously thinking of buying an iPhone X. Then drop the idea. You end saving Rs. 1 lakh!