An old man married a young girl. on the wedding night, he showed five fingers to his wife. wife: ooh.. darling! 5 times? old man: no dear, choose which one you prefer to start with!
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. after all, i'm a libra and she's a bitch!
A husband jumps on bed after removing his clothes. wife: i have fever. husband: i know that. that's why i have powdered my penis with 'crocin'. now you decide, whether you want to take it orally or as as an injection!
On 1st night after marriage: wife: please let's not do it today. let's spend it on understanding each other. husband: darling, something 'under' is already 'standing' for you!
A husband and wife were engaged in the sex act. husband: honey, why do i get all my great ideas in bed only? wife: it's because at that time, you're plugged into a genius!
Before marriage: roses are red, sky is blue; you're beautiful, i love you! after marriage: roses are dead, i have flu; don't eat my head, f**k you!
Who is guilty? husband and wife are sleeping together and while dreaming, the wife suddenly shouts, "quick, my husband is back". and the husband gets up with lightning quick speed and jumps out of the window!
The wife comes back home from the doctor and says to her husband, "honey, i have a sad news - the gynecologist told me not have sex for three weeks". husband: and what the dentist say?
Wife: whenever i sing classical why do you go and stand in the balcony. husband: to ensure that our neighbours don't think i'm fucking you forcefully!