Why can't ekta kapoor code in user space??? c'os she uses kmalloc() instead of malloc() .... for all those who don't know her, she is an indian producer obsessed with having all of her productions start with the alphabet 'k'....
"computer programmer" used to teach his son in his leisure time the basics of english "alphabets,phonetic alphabets,days name,months name,spellings,pronunciation"and so on. after they both were satisfied that the son has learnt the basics of english, the father thought to take his dictation. programmer father : "son,are you ready to give your first dictation?" son : "yeah dad, i am pretty much ready for the test and feeling over-joyed too." . . . a pause for a while, can you guess what happened next!!! . . . . . programmer father : "ok, write 'hello world'." son : "wtf, i ain't a computer programmer like you. why should i be given this sentence to write???
Once a programmer drowned in the sea. many marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "f1 f1" and nobody understood it.
A programmer goes to the shop to buy some milk. his wife calls and says "while you're out, get some eggs." and he never returns .
How software requirements sound in reality :- customer :- can you build a ship from banana leaves that can travel faster than light and is pink in color ? we will give you green paint , 10 workers and state-of-the-art nail-cutter !! software engineer : no , that is not possible manager : what if we add 2 more workers , some blue paint and a bottle-opener ? software engineer : so how many ships do you want ?
Programmer 1 : can you pass the salt ? programmer 2 : it's been 20 minutes. programmer 1 : i know! i'm developing a system to pass you arbitrary condiments. it'll save time in the long run!
Four engineers are driving to a conference when their car breaks down. a civil engineer in the front seat suggests that the slope of the road will allow them to pick up speed quickly if they push the car, at which point they can pop the clutch. the other three engineers laugh. a chemical engineer theorizes that there was something bad in the gasoline that caused the engine to fail, so a simple trip to a gas station would fix the problem. the other two engineers laugh. a mechanical engineer offers to look under the hood and identify the part of the engine that is broken, allowing them to go to an auto parts store and fix the problem. the remaining engineer laughs. the software engineer says "you folks are making this too complicated, just turn it off and turn it on again.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. - edsger w. dijkstra
No matter how slick the demo is in rehearsal, when you do it in front of a live audience, the probability of a flawless presentation is inversely proportional to the number of people watching, raised to the power of the amount of money involved. - mark gibbs