True story : i recently told a colleague that bjarne stroustrup, the author of the c++ language, once said that “c makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; c++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole leg off”. without missing a beat, my friend realized, “well, actually, it blows off every subclass of appendage.”
Shooting yourself in the foot : assembler : you attempt to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover that you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot. c: you shoot yourself in the foot. c++ : you accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "that's me, over there." cobol : the gun won't fire unless it's aligned in column 8. concurrent euclid : you shoot yourself in somebody else's foot. dbase : you squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot yourself anyway. forth : foot you in the yourself shoot. java : you shoot yourself in the foot. all the other users of your site leave hobbling and cursing. lisp : you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage. which holds the gun with which... paradox : not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too. pascal : the compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. perl : you separate the bullet from the gun with a hyperoptimized regexp, and then you transport it to your foot using several typeglobs. however, the program fails to run and you can't correct it since you don't understand what the hell it is you've written. vb: you'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care.
Q. how do you change a lightbulb in oo programming? a. you don't. instead, you tell the lamp to do it. q. how do you change a lightbulb in functional programming? a. you can't, at least not in pure functional programming. q. how do you change a lightbulb in logical programming? a. you imply that it is changed. q. how do you change a lightbulb in concurrent programming? a. you take the lamp to a secure area so nobody else can try to change the lightbulb while you're changing it. alternatively, you might get a lamp with lightbulbs that can't be changed, and just get a new lamp when the lightbulb goes out.
A computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were driving down a mountain when the brakes gave out. they screamed down the mountain, gaining speed, and finally managed to grind to a halt, more by luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand foot drop to jagged rocks. they all got out of the car. the computer engineer said, "i think i can fix it." the systems analyst said, "no, i think we should take it into town and have a specialist look at it." the programmer said, "i think we should push it back up the hill and see if it does it again."
"quiz any c developer about unsigned and pretty soon you discover that almost no c developers actually understand what goes on with unsigned." - james gossling
In key chain of an sql table, all keys were "made in usa" except one which was "made in china". why? because it was a "foreign" key.
An attractive string walks into a java cafe, and sees an int, a boolean, and a double sitting at the bar. the int walks up to her and says, "hey baby, we can make interesting things happen with you around me." the string promptly slaps him, and the int walks away. the boolean walks up to her and says, "hey girl, you don't know me yet, but you can trust that i'm your true love." the string rejects him as well, saying, "not until i say so!" and the boolean walks away too. the double tries next and says, "i may not be good with money, but i can definitely show you a good time." the string quickly declines and orders her drink. the bartender asks casually asks, "were those primitives bothering you?" the string says, "yeah, totally.... they've got no class!"
Java engineer : all girls want their boyfriends to have some class, but they don't want themselves to be treated like objects.
Programmer : what do you know about oops concepts? manager : whenever i broke anything on production. i always thought. "oops ! i did it again".
Boss : we are looking for an engineer who can work on client side. server side and database technologies. can test on me own. can release the code without production and release support, can work without any help or supervision and probably can do everything our it department needs. engineer : l am looking for a job that can feed me. my family, my relatives. my neighbours. and probably everyone i know.
What is the bollywood equivalent of recursion? karthik calling karthik "karthik calling karthik" is the name of a bollywood movie released few years ago, karthik is a common indian name. hence, the above.