Power went off while jesus and lucifer were learning programming. when the power was back, lucifer's program was missing. he complained to god for his bias towards his favorite son. then god said: jesus saves!
How do you explain the movie inception to a programmer? basically, when you run a vm inside another vm, inside another vm, inside another vm... everything runs real slow!
A cobol programmer made so much money doing y2k remediation that he was able to have himself cryogenically frozen when he died. one day in the future, he was unexpectedly resurrected. when he asked why he was unfrozen, he was told: "it's the year 9999 - and you know cobol"
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
Programming can be fun, so can cryptography; however they should not be combined. – kreitzberg and shneiderman
Jesus and satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. this goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with god as the judge. they set themselves before their computers and begin. they type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. moments later, the power is restored, and god announces that the contest is over. he asks satan to show his work. visibly upset, satan cries and says, “i have nothing. i lost it all when the power went out.” “very well,” says god, “let us see if jesus has fared any better.” jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. satan is astonished. he stutters, “b-b-but how?! i lost everything, yet jesus’ program is intact! how did he do it?” god chuckles, “everybody knows… jesus saves.”
Java programming is like teenage sex .... - everyone talks about it all of the time (but they don't really know what they're talking about); - - everyone claims to be doing it; - - everyone thinks everyone else is doing it; - - those few who are actually doing it: - - are not practicing it safely; - - are doing it poorly, and - - are sure it will be better next time. -
3 errors walk into a bar : the barman says, "normally i'd throw you all out, but tonight i'll make an exception."