Programmers life : intern : dude, are you good in javascript? i copied an alert code from a tutorial, but it's returning an error... programmer : let me see... intern : i got that code: alert ("strings must be enclosed in quotes") ; programmer : and what's the error?? intern : it shows an error box saying that the string must be enclosed in quotes... -- programmer faints on the floor.
Monthly life cycle of a coder : day 1 of new month : yipee ! i love my job ! day 1- 5 : yay !!!! party time. day 6 : meetup :) day 7-10 : bills :((( day 10 -15 : will work harder this month ! day 15-16 : communication with clients. day 16-24 : coding, coding, coding... day 24-25 : more coding... day 25-29 : fuck it! i am quitting this job ! day 30 : payment day !! :d repeat...
Patient : while you're doing the surgery, can you also implant this in my arm? doctor : a usb port? patient : just wire it up to some nerves. doctor : this won't let your brain control usb devices, you know. patient : sure - i just want the hardware. the rest is software. i'm sure there will be a project to patch together support eventually. doctor : ah - you're a linux user, i see. patient : yeah; how'd you know?
Software terminology : then - now application - app program - app operating system - app script - app shell - app batch file - app compiler - app daemon - app service - app game - app patch - app software - app
Manager : we need cobol programmers for our mainframe millennium problem. if you see anyone who looks like a cobol programmer, let me know. programmer : turn around. manager : are you a cobol programmer ? intern : no, but i'm often told i look like one. manager : you're hired !
Baby logic : while (still_a_baby == true) { if (hungry == true || diaper _ needs _ changing == true || wants_ to_play == true) { end_sleep () ; start_cry () ; { else { end_cry () ; start_sleep () ; } }
Extreme programming : programmer : i can't give you all of these features in the first version. and each features need to have what we call a "user story". manager : okay here's a story : you give me all of my features or i'll ruin your life.
Here's a term called 'rubber duck debugging' which is the act of a developer explaining their code to a rubber duck in hope of finding a bug.
Apple has air. amazon has fire. google has earth. microsoft should really create something called water.
Two choices for a project : boss : do u want the boring and awful project that is likely to succeed. or the fun project that is certain to fail and take your career with it? dilbert : you came here to give both of them to me. boss : ha ha! you know me.