What all these years of marriage taught me is that when your wife says `we need to talk`, you never get the opportunity to talk!
Whenever my wife gets upset with me, i ensure to impress her later by displaying my hidden talents like mopping the floor, washing utensils, ironing clothes, etc!
I heard the new gps systems come with built-in "wife mode". if you miss a direction, it says, "i already told you what to do. oh god, you never listen to me" and shuts itself down!
Most famous speeches: 1. i have a dream: martin luther king 2. i am the first accused: nelson mandela 3. how dare you?: greta thunberg 4. we need to talk: my wife
Wife: honey, i'm not in a good mood. husband: okay! wife: you're not gonna ask me why? husband: no, but you can take my credit card & go shopping!
Marriage counselor: what's the problem? husband: my wife complains that i never include her in anything. marriage counselor: where's she, by the way?