I witnessed a miracle today. my wife put her hand in her purse and was able to find her car keys on the very first attempt!
Husband knocked on the door. wife: who's that? husband: i'm the one you desire the most. wife: but i didn't order pizza!
Are you aware that once you are admitted into the icu for covid-19, your wife will be holding your phone for 14 days! it's not worth the risk. so wear your mask!
I was mugged by a thief last night on my way home. pointing a knife at me he asked me "your money or your life!" i told him i am married so i have no money and no life. we hugged and cried together. it was a beautiful moment!
Before getting married, men should ensure that they're strong enough to lead a successful married life by trying to pull the blanket to their side from their future wives!
If your wife has a friend that annoys you, don't tell your wife to stop being friends with her. just casually mention how pretty she is!
Dear husbands, if your wife is upset with you for a reason unknown to you, just apologize to her. or face the consequences!
My wife told me that she has a throat infection and the doctor advised her to take a voice rest for a couple of days. that doctor is my favorite person now!
son: you know, cockroaches can live for 9 days without their heads before they starve to death. wife, looking at me: that's nothing, some people i know have been living without a brain for more than 30 years!
When my wife starts fighting with me, i see and start to believe in flying saucers... and plates... and glasses!