Before marriage: time stands still when i'm with you. after marriage: my relationship with you isn't going anywhere!
Doctor, filling medical report: you have a broken hand, severe concussion and bruised eyes. are you married? me: yes, but my wife didn't do it. i fell off the bike this time!
My wife said i'd gotten fat since she married me. i said "yeah, you got 50% more of me. that's a great return on investment!"
I promised my wife that i won't smoke again. just to make sure that i didn't smoke, she left the gas on before she went out shopping and didn't even tell me. feel so lucky to have such a caring woman in my life!
Before marriage: we'll share everything we have with each other. after marriage: don't add your favorite movies to my netflix watch list!
Tip for husbands: when your wife's suddenly silent, you should listen to her silence very carefully. it could save your life!
The meghan and harry story teaches us that you can be the son of a princess and the grandson of a queen... but in the end, you have to do what your wife says!