Facebook Status Jokes

RIP Facebook!
Too many of our parents joined!

Say it on my face, not through your status!

Sometimes I wish I was a bird. So I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads!

Your posts on Facebook are inspiring me to unfriend you!

Trust me, when I wake up everyday I have no plans to be awesome. It just happens...

My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future!

Bad decisions make good stories. No wonder people find me so entertaining!

I'm not 40, I'm eighteen with 22 years experience...

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain... and most do!

The longest 5 seconds in anyone's life is waiting to press the "Skip Ad" button on YouTube!

The world is not full of assholes. But they are strategically placed so that you'll come across one every day!

I am going on a World Tour to study how I can reduce my wasteful expenditure!