Dear spiders, if i see you outside, i will let you live. but if i see you in my house, i will kill you. you choose. dear women, without men the world would be run by giant spiders? dear men, i can make your girlfriend scream louder than you....sincerely, spider.
A father and son went hunting together for the first time. the father said "stay here and be very quiet. i'll be across the field." a few minutes later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son. "what's wrong?" the father asked. "i told you to be quiet." the son answered" "look, i was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. i was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck." "but when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, should we eat them here or take them with us?" "i guess i just panicked"."
Q: what did the psychologist say to the squirrel with multiple personalities? a: you're one tough nut to crack!