Q : what happens if you cross a parrot with a baboon? a : nobody is sure, but if it opened its mouth to speak, you'd listen!
Q : why do waiters like baboons better than flies? a : did you ever hear a customer complain 'waiter, there's a baboon in my soup!'
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. mama and papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. so, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. when he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "no, i can't live with papa bear, he beats me terribly." "ok," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?" "no way!" replied baby bear, "she beats me worse than papa bear does." the judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge. "yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt bertha bear who lives in chicago." "you're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge. "oh definitely," said baby bear, "the chicago bears don't beat anybody."
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of badgers. he pulls the guy over and says... "you can't drive around with badgers in this town! take them to the zoo immediately." the guy says "ok"... and drives away. the next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of badgers, and they're all wearing sun glasses. he pulls the guy over and demands... "i thought i told you to take these badgers to the zoo yesterday?" the guy replies... "i did . . . today i'm taking them to the beach!"
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a badger in the other. "now listen here," the policeman said, "whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature i shall personally do to you" "in that case," said the boy. "i'll kiss it's butt and let it go"