Policeman (after the collision): You saw this lady driving toward you. Why didn't you give her the road? Santa: I was going to, as soon as I could discover which half she wanted!
Santa: My doctor told me to start killing people. Banta: Which crazy doctor is this? Santa: Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing, really!
Santa: I would have been a very successful man but for Newton? Banta: How's Newton responsible for it? Santa: Gravity always gets me down!
Santa: I got into trouble with my wife again... Banta: How? Santa: She came into the bar looking for me and I asked for her number!
Santa: I think Banta will be in hospital for another week. Jeeto: Pretty ill? Santa: Oh no - pretty nurse!