Irony of life: wives don't get pregnant after many attempts; and girlfriends get pregnant even after taking precautions!
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "you're only interested in one thing," and you can't remember what it is!
A couple during sex: husband: i'm about to come, honey. wife: yes... come on, baby. husband: i'm coming, baby... i'm coming... wife: yes... yes... baby. come come. husband: i'm coming, oh yes, i'm coming. wife: abe... tu aadmi hai ya acche din!
Wife: apne mere boobs choos-choos kar bade kar diye hain. husband: agar aisa hota toh mera lund mere ghutne tak pahunch geya hota aur mujhe condom ki jagah cycle ki tube lagani padti!
What's the difference between a catholic wife and a jewish wife?a catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.
Since i have heard so many stories about wives having headaches, i assume a married man's idea of foreplay would be half an hour of applying balm on his wife's forehead!
Wife: my hubby & i have, what he calls-olympic sex . friend: wow, must be a terrific sex life? wife: not really. it only happens once in 4 years.
A woman in labour cursing her husband. hubby(calmly): hey, don't blame me. i wanted to put it up your ass but you thought that might hurt.