He proposed marriage because she promised she will make him try different positions. now he is a husband, driver and cook!
A couple gets married, and thirty years later they're in the same hotel, in the same room. she takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed, and spreads her legs. her husband starts to cry. she says, "what's the matter?" he says, "thirty years ago, i couldn't wait to eat it. now it looks like, it can't wait to eat me."
Q: if you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have? a: most likely, divorce proceedings!
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock? you don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
There is love without sex and there's sex without love. and then there are we married couples without both!
Bad: your hubby says, "no more kids". worse: you can't find your birth control pills. worst: your daughter borrowed them.
3 feelings: stress, tension & panic stress is when wife is pregnant; tension is when girlfriend is pregnant; and panic is when both are pregnant.
I don't resent my son for having a bigger penis than mine. i resent my wife for the fact that it's black.
A man was shaving his beard. his wife was shaving down under. hubby: appraisal meeting with the boss for promotion, have to loo good. wife: same here.
Men get frustrated because they don't understand how women think. women get frustrated because they understand how men think.
A guy to his friend, "my wife and i have what we call olympic sex". friend: sounds great! "not really", the guy replies. "it only happens once every four years."