Computer science [noun] : a study akin to numerology and astrology, but lacking the precision of the former and the success of the latter.
Funny computer quotes : "if at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0" "some things man was never meant to know. for everything else, there's google". "life would be so much easier if we only had the source code." microsoft: "you've got questions. we've got dancing paperclips." "i'm not anti-social; i'm just not user friendly" "i had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: 'outlook not so good'. i said: 'sure, but microsoft ships it anyway'."
A programmers meaning for fun : programmer : hey honey, where all the kids at ? wife : they're all out at their friend's homes... wanna do something fun? ;) programmer : 'that's a great idea! switch the computer on!'
How to get girls interested in programming - each variable can either be masculine or feminine. - masculine arrays are one-based, feminine arrays are zero-based (this is soooo obvious). - in a jagged array, at least 40% of the subarrays need to be feminine. - if you construct a date by concatenating a masculine and a feminine variable, some of the space allocated for the masculine variable will be reallocated for the date. - every 28th cpu cycle, all feminine variables will throw exceptions or other heavy objects if queried the wrong way (what the right and wrong way is, is undocumented – pending research) - during communication, feminine variables will always go through a named pipe, tcp port or anything like that before masculine. - if a masculine pointer raises a flag for the wrong feminine variable, it is not an exception. - a female binary large object will be tried but not caught. - feminine variables will never dump unless they are grouped. - feminine variables are not static with threads, they change patterns every season. - behind every long masculine integer there is a feminine char. - to construct a short, you must first concatenate a feminine single and a masculine single into a mixed gender double, the most significant bits of the double will then overflow into a short after a period of 9×30 cycles. the double can spawn several shorts before they are either deallocated or split into two singles again. - feminine variables should be camelcase. - masculine variables have their own opinion on what the most significant bits of feminine variables are.
A young woman is complaining to her friend "i've been married three times and i've never had sex!" her friend replies, "how is that possible?" "well," the woman says, "the first time i married for money, but he was old and he died on our wedding day. "the second time i married for love, but he turned out to be gay." "so what's wrong with this one?" the friend asks. "well, this one's a computer programmer. we've been married for five months, but so far all he does is sit at the end of the bed and tell me how great it's going to be!"
Why is your kid sitting alone apart from all those other kids in the sandbox? they're all playing a computer lab and mine's trying to get linux running
When a programmer and a beggar meet, the very first question they ask each other which platform are you working on ?