Programmer Jokes Jokes

Programmer's night before christmas it was the night before implementation and all through the house, not a program was working not even a browser. the programmers hung by their tubes in despair, with hopes that a miracle would soon be there. the users were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of inquiries danced in their heads. when out in the machine room there arose such a clatter, i sprang from my desk to see what was the matter. and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a super programmer (with a six-pack of beer). his resume glowed with experience so rare, he turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair. more rapid than eagles, his programs they came, on update! on add! on inquiry! on delete! on batch jobs! on closing! on functions complete! his eyes were glazed-over, fingers nimble and lean, from weekends and nights in front of a screen. a wink of his eye, and a twitch of his head, soon gave me to know i had nothing to dread. he spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, turning specs into code; then turned with a jerk; and laying his finger upon the "enter" key, the systems came up and worked perfectly. the updates updated; the deletes, they deleted; the inquiries inquired, and closings completed. he tested each whistle, and tested each bell, with nary an abend, and all had gone well. the system was finished, the tests were concluded. the users' last changes were even included. and the user exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt, "it's just what i asked for, but not what i want!"

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A year ago i upgraded from girlfriend 7.0 to wife 1.0 and i have observed that this new program started an unexpected subroutine called son, which occupies almost all my space and important resources. also, wife 1.0 auto-installs as a host in all my programs and auto-starts every time i want to use any of them. apps like beers with friends 10.3 and sunday football 5.0 no longer work. every now and then, a spyware program called in-law 1.0 starts and freezes wife 1.0. i haven't been able to uninstall this spyware and i cannot minimize wife 1.0 if i want to run any of my favorite apps. i'm thinking about downgrading to girlfriend 7.0 but uninstall is not working!!! please help!! support response: dear user: this is a known bug submitted by users. in most cases the source is pretty simple. many users go from version girlfriend x.0 to wife 1.0 thinking wife 1.0 is an utilities and entertainment app. however, wife 1.0 is designed to control the system entirely. it is very unlikely that you'll be able to uninstall wife 1.0 and return to any version of girlfriend. there are hidden files on girlfriend x.0 that will make it work just like wife 1.0. some users have tried clean formatting their systems in order to install girlfriend plus 1.0 or wife 2.0 but ended with bigger problems afterwards. please refer to the warning section on the read-me file, specifically the alimony chapter. also, if you update to girlfriend 8.0, do not update to wife 2.0 because problems will be worst, expensive and not recommended for normal users. frequently used upgrades include celibacy 1.0 or gay/lesbian 5.3. i personally have wife 1.0 installed and suggest you explore the manual in its entirety. the user agreement states that the user shall be responsible for any problem, no matter the cause. a really powerful command, which normally un-freezes the application can be found under c:/imsorry.exe. having said that, wife 1.0 is really interesting but has very expensive updates. recommended plugins include flowers 12.0, jewels 2.3 and vacations 2.3. yeshoney 9.0 and whateveryousay 12.3 are also very popular. finally, wife 1.0 is not compatible with miniskirtsecretary 3.3. installing it can cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

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