Two young engineers tried to initiate their first baby. they committed to it often, almost everyday. they paired, and even merged a couple ideas they read about. nothing. they brewed up the idea to call the doctor. the doctor examined them both, then gave them their update and later asked... did you try pushing?
Best comment in source code : 1. catch (exception e) { //who cares? } 2. //you are not expected to understand this 3. // abandon all hope you who needs to debug this
Question : string concatenation. one student, works on but gets runtime error. output is something like this : enter string one : abc enter string two : xyz segmentation fault he was not able correct it, and finally it was time, here's what he showed to teacher. enter string one : segmentation enter string two : fault segmentation fault
Marriage proposal by a computer programmer to a girl dear baby, i have seen you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realized that you are the only site i was browsing for. for a long time, i have been lonely, trying to find a bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now. my life is just an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an executable code and hence is useless. you are not only beautiful by face, but all your activex controls are attractive as well. your smile is so delightful, which encourages me and gives power to me equal to thousands of mainframes processing power. when you looked at me last evening, i felt like all my program modules were running smoothly and giving expected results. this kind of feeling i have never experienced before. with this letter, i just want to convey to you that, if we linked together, i’ll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life. also, don’t bother about the firewall which may be created by our parents as i’ve strong hacking capabilities by which i’ll ultimately break their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage. i anticipate that nobody is already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail. and it's all certain that if this happened to me, i will crash my system beyond recovery. kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox. your xyz,
Top 10 excuses made by programmers 10. “i haven’t touched that module in weeks!” 9. “it must be a hardware problem.” 8. “somebody must have changed my code.” 7. “did you check for a virus on your system?” 6. “you must have the wrong version.” 5. “that’s weird…” 4. “there must be something wrong with your data” 3. “it’s never done that before.” 2. “it worked yesterday.” and the best one 1. “it works on my machine”
Newbie - there are so many problems to solve. i dispair. wise old programmer - don't dispair there is a solution that will solve every problem except one. newbie - (excited) really ... what is it? wise old programmer - every problem, except one, can be solved by adding another abstraction layer. newbie - (ponders this for a moment and then smiles) you are right. every problem i have can be solved by adding another level of abstraction. newbie - (then he pauses and frowns) but what is the exception? i don't see any exceptions, for each problem i see how another abstraction layer creates a more elegant solution. wise old programmer - every problem can be solved by adding another abstraction layer, except the problem of having too many levels of Da8Abstraction. newbie thinks for a moment and then leaves room having suddenly decided to rejoin the family dry cleaning business.
If(computer.fail == trUe) { background.setcolor(blue); user.frown(); sys.shutdown(); user.scream("oh, darn you"); }
A popular nursery rhyme in javaland for the lack of a nail, throw new horseshoenailnotfoundexception("no nails!"); for the lack of a horseshoe, equestriandoctor.getlocalinstance().gethorsedispatcher().shoot(); for the lack of a horse, ridersguild.getridernotificationsubscriberlist().Getbroadcaster().run( new broadcastmessage(stablefactory.getnullhorseinstance())); for the lack of a rider, messagedeliverysubsystem.getlogger().logdeliveryfailure( messagefactory.getabstractmessageinstance( new messagemedium(messagetype.verbal), new messagetransport(messagetransporttype.mounted_rider), new messagesessiondestination(battlemanager.getroutinginfo( battlelocation.nearest))), messagefailurereasoncode.unknown_rider_failure); for the lack of a message, ((battlenotificationsender) battleresourcemediator.getmediatorinstance().getresource( battleparticipant.proxy_participant, battleresource.battle_notification_sender)).sendnotification( ((battlenotificationbuilder) (battleresourcemediator.getmediatorinstance().getresource( battleorganizer.getbattleparticipant(battle.participant.good_guys), battleresource.battle_notification_builder))).buildnotification( battleorganizer.getbattlestate(battleresult.battle_lost), battlemanager.getchainofcommand().getcommandchainnotifier())); for the lack of a battle, try { synchronized(battleinformationrouterlock.getlockinstance()) { battleinformationrouterlock.getlockinstance().wait(); } } catch (interruptedexception ix) { if (battlesessionmanager.getbattlestatus( battleresource.getlocalizedbattleresource(locale.getdefault()), battlecontext.createcontext( kingdom.getmasterbattlecoordinatorinstance( new tweedlebeetlepuddlepaddlebattle()).populate( regionmanager.getarmpitprovince(armpit.leftmost)))) == battlestatus.lost) { if (logger.isloggable(level.totally_screwed)) { logger.logscrewage(battlelogger.createbattlelogmessage( battlestatusformatter.format(battlestatus.lost_war, locale.getdefault()))); } } } for the lack of a war, new serviceexecutionjoinpoint( distributedqueryanalyzer.forwardqueryresult( notificationschemamanager.getabstractschemamapper( new publishsubscribenotificationschema()).getschemaproxy(). executepublishsubscribequeryplan( notificationschema.alert, new notificationschemapriority(schemapriority.max_priority), new publishermessage(messagefactory.getabstractmessage( messagetype.written, new messagetransport(messagetransporttype.wounded_survivor), new messagesessiondestination( destinationmanager.getnulldestinationforqueryplan()))), distributedwarmachine.getpartyrolemanager().getregisteredparties( partyrolemanager.party_king || partyrolemanager.party_general || partyrolemanager.party_ambassador)).getqueryresult(), prioritymessagedispatcher.getprioritydispatchinstance())). waitforservice(); all for the lack of a horseshoe nail.
One day a novice came to the master. "master," he said, "how is it that i may become a writer of programs?". the master looked solemnly at the novice. "have you in your possession a compiler of source code?" the master asked. "no," replied the novice. the master sent the novice on a quest to the store of software. many hours later the novice returned. "master," he said, "how is it that i may become a writer of programs?". the master looked solemnly at the novice. "have you in your possession a compiler of source code?" the master asked. "yes," replied the novice. the master frowned at the novice. "you have a compiler of source. what now can prevent you from becoming a writer of programs?". the novice fidgeted nervously and presented his compiler of source to the master. "how is this used?" asked the novice. "have you in your possession a manual of operation?" the master asked. "no," replied the novice. the master instructed the novice as to where he could find the manual of operation. many days later the novice returned. "master," he said, "how is it that i may become a writer of programs?". the master looked solemnly at the novice. "have you in your possession a compiler of source code?" the master asked. "yes," replied the novice. "have you in your possession a manual of operation?" the master asked. "yes," replied the novice. the master frowned at the novice. "you have a compiler of source, and a manual of operation. what now can prevent you from becoming a writer of programs?". at this the novice fidgeted nervously and presented his manual of operations to the master. "how is this used?" asked the novice. the master closed his eyes, and heaved a great sigh. the master sent the novice on a quest to the school of elementary. many years later the novice returned. "master," he said, "how is it that i may become a writer of programs?". the master looked solemnly at the novice. "have you in your possession a compiler of source code, a manual of operation and an education of elementary?" the master asked. "yes," replied the novice. the master frowned at the novice. "what then can prevent you from becoming a writer of programs?". the novice fidgeted nervously. he looked around but could find nothing to present to the master. the master smiled at the novice. "i see what problem plagues you." said the master. "oh great master, please tell me." asked the novice. the master turned the novice toward the door, and with a supportive hand on his shoulder said, "go young novice, and read the f***ing manual." and so the novice became enlightened.