Wives are funny creatures. they don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.
A married man had 3 kids, he named them nc, mc and abc. when asked what they meant, he said: natural curiosity, mutual consent and absolute bloody carelessness!
My wife and i have been together for such a long time that we finish each other's sentences . .. ... by simply adding "you fuckin idiot".
Q: did you hear about the new edition of playboy for married men? a: it has the same cover ¢erfold every month.
An older couple is ready to go to sleep, so the old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies on the floor. the old man asks, "why are you going to sleep on the floor?" the old woman says, "because i want to feel something hard for a change".
A wife comes home early and catches her hubby wanking in the kitchen. she rushes over and gives him the best blow job of his life. after the blow job, the husband asks, "we have not had sex for almost one month and suddenly this. why?" wife: i washed the floor in the morning; and i'd rather brush my teeth than clean the whole floor again.
When i've finished fucking my wife, she likes to wait a while and then do it again. sometimes we can do it three, maybe four times . .. ... a year!
Wife : shall we try different positions tonight? husband excitedly, "yeh, sure why not?" wife: ok, you stand at the sink and wash dishes and i'll be on the sofa and watch tv! moral : all jokes are not dirty...
Irony of life: wives don't get pregnant after many attempts; and girlfriends get pregnant even after taking precautions!