Jack and jill went up the hill so jack could lick her candy. but jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock cause jill's real name was randy!
My horoscope this morning forecast sex and travel today. uncannily accurate... as my wife just told me to "fuck off"!
Therapist: how did you meet your husband? lady: i'm a pharmacist. he came to buy condoms and asked for xxxxl. and only after we got married i realized that he stutters!
When she doesn't want to have sex, `i have a headache` has to be absolutely acceptable to me. but when i don't want to do the dishes or take the trash out and i say `i have a headache`, i'm being unsupportive. double standards!
Man: forgive me father for i have sinned. i messaged dirty jokes, porn videos, and view naked women's pictures on my mobile. father: forward all your sins to me!
At 33, he quits smoking (will power) at 43, he quits drinking (will power) at 53, he quits gambling (will power) at 63, he quits sex (power failure)