Banta: My wife has lost her voice. How can I help her get it back? Santa: Try coming home at three o'clock in the morning.
Santa: I think my wife is selling drugs. Banta: That's weird. What makes you think so? Santa: Yesterday I was running late for work and the phone rang. I answered it but before I could say anything, a male voice on the line said, "Hey, honey, is that dope gone yet?"
Customer: You told me this car was rust-free. Santa: Well, we didn't charge you extra for the rust, Did we?
Santa: My drinking is getting out of hand. Banta: That's a thing of concern. Santa: Yes, sure it is. I dropped 3 pegs last night!
Jeeto: This is the last time I tell you about coming home drunk. Santa: Good, because I'm sick of hearing it!
Santa and Banta are drinking at a bar when Banta falls off his stool and slumps motionless to the floor. Santa says to the bartender, "I'll say this for Banta, he knows when to stop!"