Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. "Are you the friar", he asks. "No. I'm the chip monk", he replies.
Soldier: The bullet struck my head and went careening into space. Friend: You're being candid about it, anyway!
Sea Captain: There is no hope! The ship is doomed! In an hour we will all be dead! Seasick Passenger: Thank God!
Boy: Have you seen my pills? They 're labelled LSD. Grandmother: Never mind about your pills! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?`