You seem to be in some distress, said the kindly judge to the witness. Is anything the matter? Well, your honour, said the witness, I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects!
Lawyer: What did your husband do before you divorced him? Woman: A lot of things I didn't know about!
Lawyer: You want a divorce because your husband is careless about his appearance? Woman: Yes, he hasn't showed up in 18 months!
Woman: My husband has flat feet. Is that grounds for divorce? Lawyer: Not unless his feet visit the wrong flat.
When lawyers die, why are they buried in holes 20 feet deep? Because deep down, they're all nice guys.