The first poem written for computers : <>!*''# ^"`$$- !*=@$_ %*<>~4 &[]../ |{,,system halted for you somewhat cybernetically challenged, it goes something like this (using the proper cyber-names) : waka waka bang splat tick tick hash, caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash, bang splat equal at dollar under-score, percent splat waka waka tilde number four, ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash, vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma crash ~4 &[];url=http://www.totaltashan.com//post/u/jokes/English/Programmer-Jokes/the-first-poem-written-for-computers-^`-_-4-[]-programmerjokes-english-funny-joke-lol/")'> ~4 &[] http://www.totaltashan.com//post/u/jokes/English/Programmer-Jokes/the-first-poem-written-for-computers-^`-_-4-[]-programmerjokes-english-funny-joke-lol")'>
An architect, a hooker and a programmer were talking one evening, and somehow, the discussion turned to which profession was the oldest. "come on, you guys! everyone knows mine is the oldest profession," said the hooker. "ah," said the architect, "but before your profession existed, there had to be people, and who was there before people?" "what are you getting at, god?" the hooker asked. "and was he not the divine architect of the universe?" the architect asked, looking smug. the programmer had been silent, but now he spoke up. "and before god took on himself the role of an architect, what was there?" "darkness and chaos," the hooker said. "and who do you think created chaos?" the programmer said.
A programming team developes true ai capable of thinking, reasoning, and feeling. they wrote all the codeAaf in scheme they go to their project manager and tell him of their invention and invite him to come talk to it. he agrees and sits down at the terminal they point to. he types: hello and it replies: (hello) he types: how are you? it replies: ((i'm fine, thanks)(how are you?)) the pm gets up and tells the team he hates the program and that he's ending the project. the team starts pleading with him, asking how he could hate a true ai capable of feelings and reason. they tell him it can think, solve problems, and even work as a member of the team. the pm replies, "yes, but it talks with a lisp."
Software developers like to solve problems. if there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
Life before the computer an application was for employment a program was a tv show a cursor used profanity a keyboard was a piano! memory was something that you lost with age a cd was a bank account and if you had a 3-inch floppy you hoped nobody found out! compress was something you did to garbage not something you did to a file and if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for awhile! log on was adding wood to a fire hard drive was a long trip on the road a mouse pad was where a mouse lived and a backup happened to your commode! cut - you did with a pocket knife paste you did with glue a web was a spider's home and a virus was the flu! i guess i'll stick to my pad and paper and the memory in my head i hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead!
A programmer and a business analyst are sitting in the break room one day eating lunch when suddenly the microwave catches fire. thinking quickly, the analyst leaps up, unplugs the microwave, grabs the trash can, fills it with water from sink, and dumps the water on the microwave to put out the flames. a few weeks later the two are again having lunch in the break room when suddenly the coffee maker bursts into flames. the programmer leaps up, grabs the coffee maker, shoves it into the microwave oven, and then hands the trash can to the business analyst, thus re-using the solution developed for the previous project.
A mathematician asks an engineer a question, "here are 5 birds in the tree, if i shoot one, how many are left?" the engineer answers, "0, since the birds will all fly away when they hear the gunshot." "the correct answer is 4, but i like the way you think" said the mathematician. the engineer then says, "well then, i will ask you a question. three women are sitting on the park bench eating ice cream. the first one is licking it, the second one swallows the ice cream and starts sucking on the cone, the third takes a bite out of the ice cream, which one is married?" the mathematician blushes and answers: "the second one?" the engineer then says, "wrong, the answer is the one wearing the wedding ring, but i like the way you think."
An optimist person will say that the glass is half-full. a pessimist person will say that the glass is half-empty. a programmer will say that the glass is twice as large as necessary.
A biologist, an engineer, and a mathematician are staking out an empty house. they see two people walk in. later, they see three people walk out. the biologist says, "they must have multiplied!" the engineer says, "i think it was measurement error." the mathematician says, "now, if exactly one person walks into the house, it will have zero people in it again."